How to Introduce a Friend Who is A Military Officer to Friends and Family?

I am an Army Reservist with 36 years.  My wife and I have adopted 21 special kids.  I invited my former Brigade Commander (Now a Major General) and his wife to an event this coming weekend, because he always was interested in my family and was the first commanding officer I ever had that actually cared about my family.
My question is: How do I introduce him and his wife to others at the event?  To me he is a friend who happens to be a General Officer. I just don’t want to be disrespectful or go overboard.
– MS

Dear MS:
       Your question is one of etiquette rather than forms of address, but here’s my advice:
       Say his name is James Johnson.
       It won’t see overboard to him if you introduce him socially as General Johnsonor General James Johnson. To him that’s his name.
       Even though one might be on a first-name basis with a high office holder, I would always let them have the option of maintaining their formality with others. Most of us in the US assume we are on a first-name basis with everyone we meet socially. But it’s still an individual’s option to decide with whom they are on a first-name basis. I wouldn’t address a high ranking officer or elected officials by their first name … until invited to do so.
       What to Do: Introduce him in this social situation as General Johnson orGeneral James Johnson and let him suggest (if he wants to) he wants you to introduce him as JIm Johnson (no reference to his rank) henceforth.
       Or let him suggest to the others they should call him JIm saying Please call me Jim on a case-by-case basis.
       I would introduce his wife in a social situation as Sarah Johnson and let the other person decide to call her Sarah or Mrs. Johnson,
                – Robert Hickey www.formsofaddress.info

How to Write Parent’s Names on an Invitation?

How do I refer to two married women on an invitation?
More specifically, listing our deceased mothers on our wedding invitation in a modern style. Is the following acceptable?

Mr. Joseph Grant and
Mr. and Mrs. Edward and Betsy Smith
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of
Michael Andrew Grant
and
Dale Edward Smith
sons of the late Mmes. Kathleen Grant and Blanche Smith

Combining our mothers with Mmes seems to work best as it reduces the dwelling on death that would result from the late Mrs. Kathleen Grant and the late Mrs. Blanche Smith. 
In invitation etiquette, Mmes is rarely ever mentioned as married women are linked with their husbands.  And Mssrs. and Misses are always spoken of in relation to siblings (either young, bachelor, or spinsters) who cohabitate (most likely to address the envelopes.  However, by extension I have seen these titles used the way in other contexts: “My lawyers are Mssrs. Brown and Johnson” or by logical extension “My favorite authors are the Mmes. Bronte and Austen.”
– Michael Grant

Dear Mr. Grant:
       1) RE: MMES.: Plural honorifics are not used on invitations. The style is to give everyone their own name as a unit.  Rather than Mmes. Grant and Smith, we writeMrs. Grant and Mrs. Smith … each gets their name a a unit.
 2) RE: Mr. and Mrs. Eddie and Betsy Smith is really awkward because it is an attempt to mix [formal] honorifics with a [casual] forms for the names.
        ** Formal has rules that enable us to be consistent across a wide variety of names from all sorts of hierarchies and cultures
        ** Casual is more of a freestyle, everyone does however they want to
        ** Mixing them creates a mess.
 3) The Best Option is to dispense with the honorifics if you want to include both parent’s names. Without the mixture of styles it become rather elegant:

Joseph Grant and
Edward and Betsy Smith
request the pleasure of your company 
at the marriage of
Michael Andrew Grant 
and 
Dale Edward Smith
sons of the late Kathleen Grant and Blanche Smith

  4) RE: A modern style     
In my book (used everywhere from The White House to Canadian Parliament) I show forms for addressing only two types of couples:
  Couples using the same surname
Couples using different surnames
Rather than different forms for married couples, unmarried couples, gay couples etc., invitations are issued to couples or individuals.  If two individuals don’t present themselves as a couple — they are issued individual invitations. It’s really simple.
                – Robert Hickey www.formsofaddress.info

How Do I Address Two Individuals, Not a Couple?

How do you address a business letter to two people at the same company when they have different titles? The people are David McGraw, Supply Manager, and Wayne Kammerer, Maintenance Manager.
      – Linda Whedbee

I am acknowledging a donation from a mother and her adult daughter.  How do I address them, and what salutation would I use?
      – Harold Towle
 
Dear Ms. Whedbee and Mr. Towle:
Most often adults receive individual communications. In business the letter is directed to one and the other is copied on the correspondence. Socially only young children are included on their parents invitations.
But … if you want to write one letter, list them individually, with the name of the person with the higher precedence first. That would be the senior person first in business or if you are not aware of any hierarchical order, list their names in alphabetical order. For the family members list the mother first following the social convention of deferring to age. The word “and” appears between names in a couple …. so there’s no ‘and’ between them on these envelopes.
On an envelope or address block on a letter:
Mr./Mrs./Ms./etc. (Full Name)
          Mr./Mrs./Ms./etc. (Full Name)
         (Address)
   As the salutation:
          Dear Mr./Mrs./Ms./etc. (Surname) and Mr./Mrs./Ms./etc. (Surname):

                – Robert Hickey www.formsofaddress.info

How to Write a Lieutenant Governor’s Name In a Program and on a Place Card?

Can you tell me how to address a Lieutenant Governor in a program and on a place card?
In the program would it be:
Lieutenant Governor Mark A. Darr
or 
Mark A. Darr Lieutenant Governor of Arkansas
On the place card, do I refer to him as:
  The Honorable Mark A. Darr
or
  Lieutenant Governor Mark A. Darr
– Nicole in Little Rock

Dear Nicole:
       I provide all the forms (invitations, letters, introductions, saluations, conversation)for a Lieutenant Governor on page 191 of my book if this sort of thing comes up often.
You don’t need to include Arkansas if you are not having lieutenant governorsfrom other states and the event is in Arkansas.
  PROGRAM
   The Honorable Mark A. Darr
Lieutenant Governor
If you do want to include “Arkansas” using “State of Arkansas” is more formal.
 The Honorable Mark A. Darr
Lieutenant Governor of the State of Arkansas
     PLACE CARDS
If it is a small place card only to identify for the Lieutenant Governor which is his seat  … (and is not a larger double-sided tent card) … it has just his name on it as he’d be addressed in conversation.
      Mr. Darr
On the other hand, formal place cards are sometimes done with just a title.  E.g.,at The White House the President’s place card reads The President.
 The Lieutenant Governor
Larger, double-sided tent cards (text on both sides, meant for others at the table to see who is who) can have much more information:
   Mark A. Darr
Lieutenant Governor
       – Robert Hickey www.formsofaddress.info

May I Use An Officer’s Signature Block as a Form of Address for that Officer on a Letter?

I am working on reply letters for my boss to send to different individuals including several active Army personnel.  One of them is the current commanding officer at a nearby military installation.  His signature block on official letterhead is:
  (Name)
(Rank), US Army
At the top of the letter, it states, reply to attention of Office of the Commander. So would the return letter be addressed as the following or some other format:
 (Name)
(Rank), US Army
Office of the Commander
Department of the Army
(address)
And for the salutation:
   Dear (Rank) (Last Name): 
– DH in Nevada

Dear DH:
1) No … don’t use their e-mail letter block to address a letter.
Use the form of address for the particular rank I have on my guide to offices.
Find the rank … and follow the format.
In my book I cover invitations, place cards, name badges, introductions. what to call them in conversation, etc, if this sort of thing comes up often. But on this site I just provide the basics for business envelope, business letter’s address block and salutation.
2) If you are in Nevada, and this Office on the Commander is nearby, I doubt he is thecommander of the Department of the Army.
He must be a commander of something much smaller …. like a base or installation …. so it’s going to be something like:
     (Rank) (Full Name), USA
Office of the Commander
(Name of base, installation, etc.)
3) Your salutation looks fine.
               – Robert Hickey www.formsofaddress.info

How to Write Name Badge for an Official?

Wondering what to put on a name badge for the Attorney General and a former attorney general. We usually do first name large, then first last underneath. Not sure what to do with these officials. Any help appreciated.
– Jenny

Dear Jenny:
    In my experience, it’s rare that you can get high officials to even wear a name badge, so if you can do that … congratulations.
Usually protocol professional go for consistency, so if you are including jobs/affiliations … then everyone should have their title or organization..
If you decide to accept inconsistency — because functionally you want first-name last-name … and think the Attorney General needs to be identified — you might write a non-official’s name badge as:
          Mary
Jones
And a current official … in this case the current attorney generals badge as:
 Attorney General
Henry
Smith
Former attorney generals continue to be in writing as The Honorable … (see my page on attorney generals) but other than that …. they don’t get any special form of address
They go back to whatever they were before they were attorney general, but are of course identified as a former attorney general when appropriate.
                – Robert Hickey www.formsofaddress.info

How to Address a Vice-Mayor, Mayor Pro Tempore?

What is the correct address and salutation for a Vice-Mayor and for a Mayor Pro Tempore? Both were elected to our city council and appointed to their offices by their peers on the council. We don’t address members of our council as the Honorable, but we do address our Mayor as the Honorable. Are these two officials the Honorabletoo?
– Tricia in Sacramento, CA

Dear Tricia:
    Technically anyone elected to office in a general election is the Honorable, but if your jurisdiction does not address members of the council as such — and many localities do the same — but do address the Mayor as the Honorable …. I’d extend the the Honorable to the other mayoral offices for consistency.
Here’s how I’d recommend you do it:

Mayor Pro Tempore
ENVELOPE & ADDRESS BLOCK:
         The Honorable (full name)
         Mayor Pro Tempore of (Jurisdiction)
         (address)
CONVERSATION & SALUTATION WHEN HE/SHE IS ACTING AS THE MAYOR:
       Dear Mayor (Surname):
CONVERSATION & SALUTATION WHEN NOT ACTING AS THE MAYOR:
      Dear Mr./Mrs. (Surname):

Vice Mayor
ENVELOPE & ADDRESS BLOCK:
        The Honorable (full name)
        Vice-Mayor of (Jurisdiction)
        (address)
CONVERSATION & SALUTATION:
        Dear Mr./Mrs. (Surname):
                – Robert Hickey www.formsofaddress.info

Is a Roman Catholic Bishop an Excellency?

How do I address my (Roman Catholic) bishop? Is he Your Excellency? Are there more and less formal forms of correct address?
~ Barbara Montgomery

I taught catechism for years and when the kids prepared for a visit by the Bishop for confirmation they were always told to say Your Excellency or Bishop (Name).
~ P.D.

Dear P.D. and Ms. Montgomery:
In conversation it’s correct to call the bishop Bishop (Surname).
A Roman Catholic bishop is not an Excellency – he’s a Most Reverend. So when you address an envelope, write The Most Reverend (full name) and on the second line Bishop of (diocese).
The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops suggests to address bishops with the courtesy title the Most Reverend.  See how they list their member bishops ON THIS PAGE … their advice makes sense.
Excellency is the courtesy title used with the accredited representative (ambassador) of one head-of-state to another head-of-state. The term was invented and established at the Conference of Vienna in 1814 for that purpose
So a papal nuncio … the accredited representative from His Holiness to a foreign head-of-state is addressed as His/Your Excellency … because he holds the rank of ambassador.
It is not used correctly when addressing bishops in general.
– Robert Hickey www.formsofaddress.info

May a Retired Officer Use His/Her Rank As a Civilian Employee at the Veterans Administration?

I am a retired Air Force Reserve Lt. Colonel working as a civil servant for the Veterans Health Administration.  A number of us are retired military who continue to serve our fellow vets.  Is it allowable for us to indicate our retired military status in our e-mail and hard copy correspondence?
Obviously, we are not engaged in a commercial enterprise.  I have looked at the VA/VHA directives and cannot find anything on point.  We think adding are military retired status to our signature blocks help build a closer bond with our patients and amongst each other.
As the medical center’s Compliance and Business Integrity Officer I am especially sensitive to ensuring we follow the rules.  What is proper in this situation??
– Mike in West Virginia

Dear Mike:
    The way I read the DoD guidelines is they are designed to prohibit anyone receiving … or appearing to seek to receive … any benefits, deference, or courtesies due to their former rank in jobs which are not active-duty positions held as armed service personnel.
The DoD wants those courtesies reserved for active duty personnel as they serve with the power of the government behind their actions.
This continued use of your rank as a retiree would be limited to personal, social use — and not used in subsequent employment.
Of course vets and retiree’s share a special bond, but probably VA/VHA employees who are neither can offer exceptional service and can have extraordinary bonds with the vets they serve.
             – Robert Hickey www.formsofaddress.info

Is a Retired Judge Still Addressed as a Judge?

I am interim director at the Montgomery County Historical Society. A retired county judge is giving the invocation at our annual dinner. Is it still correct to call him judge on the agenda?
– Anne Hendrickson

Dear Ms. Hendrickson:
     Unless he or she left the bench in dishonor, retired judges continue to be in writingThe Honorable (Full Name) and continue to be orally addressed as Judge (surname).
If you write his name on the agenda … he is The Honorable (Full Name). 
            – Robert Hickey www.formsofaddress.info