I am a school board representative who received a hand-written note from the school librarian asking me to read to a class. The envelope was addressed to M Robin Buchanan, not Mrs. or Ms.
Is using M to address a woman a proper salutation? I understood M is to be used to address men.
I thought perhaps the librarian did not know if I was a male or female, although that information would be easy to find.
Should I be concerned by her lack of consideration to the person she is writing to or worry that she is using improper salutations? Or do I something new to learn? Thank you for your clarification.
Best regards,
— Mrs. Robin Buchanan
Dear Ms. Buchanan:
I suspect they wrote M Robin Buchanan….just because didn’t which honorific you preferred … or didn’t know your gender … and were avoiding the issue.
I advise if one is writing someone and are unsure of how he or she prefers to be addressed — call and ask. I find no one minds being asked how to be addressed respectfully.
Today I find married women use various honorifics at various times depending of the situation.
Ms. Robin Buchanan … where their marital status is not an issue
Mrs. (husband’s first name) Buchanan …. in very formal situations or when involved just as “a spouse”
Mrs. Robin Buchanan …. makes sense for women with kids — when dealing with school teachers (as you do) who they want to be a “Mrs.” because they are in the discussion because they are Mrs. Mom … and they ALSO want to provide their first name for those with whom they would be on a first-name basis.
For formal etiquette geeks like me Mrs. Robin Buchanan is the traditional form for a divorced women who was formerly married to someone named “Buchanan” …. but had kept using the “Buchanan” perhaps because that’s the family name of her kids, or for some other reason. BUT … one of the basics of forms of address is that your name belongs to you …. and EVERYONE is entitled to be addressed as they prefer!
— Robert Hickey
Dear Mr. Hickey
Thank you for your prompt and thorough answer to my question. As a school director, I hope that our teachers follow proper etiquette in every way, especially when dealing with the public. I will relay your response to the librarian and show that we all can learn something new every day. I certainly have! I will refer to your site for all protocol questions.
I followed the link to review your book. I enjoyed the section on how to address a PhD and how to address a MD. I work with few PhDs but an increasing number of EdDs (Doctorate of Education). I previously worked in health care and therefore worked with many physicians. From my limited experience, the PhDs and EdDs all are more defensive about being called “doctor” than an MD. I agree with your medical friend’s response to the “doctor” question.
Thank you again for your time. It was a pleasure.
Robert Hickey www.formsofaddress.info
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